Hampton Fish & Chippers, Hampton

They have well drained, crispy battered fish. They have equally good chips. But strangely sold separately. Family packages on a glance appear most economical, but the singles aren’t given the usual combo discount. Poor loners… like me ☹

3 / 5 yums!
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Where? 493 Hampton St, Hampton, VIC
What? Fish and Chips under $10

Royal Mail Hotel

Is driving 3 hours for a meal considered crazy? Potentially... but that doesn't mean that it wasn't worth it. So finally the day I've been looking forward to for 2 months rolls around - dinner at the Royal Mail Hotel.

At the base of the Grampians, in the middle of Dunkeld (a town with surprisingly little to do) lies the unassuming, unimpressive building - but as they say you can't read a book by it's cover.

There are 2 food options - vegetarian or omnivore; and about a million wine options to choose from the famed RMH cellar. We decide for the non vego option; and the wine list was a bit overwhelming so we decide to go with with matching wines - one village (a selection of Australian wines) and one vintage (a selection of International wines).

So as we wait in anticipation for the procession of 9 dishes, we are given warm freshly baked bread and an unusual smoked butter laden with a delicious subtle bacon flavour. YUM! So before our first dish comes we are given the first wine of the night - a pink Champagne; I manage to down it before our food comes - but when our impossibly sweet tomato with basil, interesting "sardine on toast" and melt in your mouth pork sandwich came they topped it up my glass again! (I soon found out this happened through all courses and as a result I soon was very tipsy).



Two vegetarian dishes follow, the first was sugar snap peas bursting with sweetness paired with sashimi made from watermelon - intriguingly and genius. The next was a play on tartare, made from oats, legumes and yeast; mixing in the yolk created a smooth gravy that coated the crunchy earthy base.



Three quite different seafood dishes follow; starting with an understated rock lobster that let the freshness of the ingredients play the star, following was a glowingly fresh and perfectly cooked piece of tuna, topped with an intense onion stock; and finally my favourite dish of the night - a Japanese inspired piece of eel with beef tendon. It was sweet sticky and the textures of all the elements on the dish worked perfectly.



Our main was lamb, eggplant and chlorophyll (not to be mistaken for chloroform), like all of the preceding dishes, the colour, texture and flavour combinations were perfect.



Three desserts followed - first an apple pie infused with chamomile, topped with crunchy almonds on a thin crispy base, followed by summer berries with an unusual but successful beetroot ice-cream. Our final dessert and dish was simply titled pistachio, hazelnut and chocolate. It ended up in front of us as a delicious mess of textures and flavours.



The matching wines, the tastes, the presentation and the service, all hit the right notes; is this the best meal I've had? Probably...

5 / 5 yums!
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Where? 98 Parker Street, Dunkeld, VIC 3294
What? Degustation $135 (wines $115 or $195)

Nuevo 37, Melbourne

So we’re at this restaurant, 7:30pm on Friday night, in the 5 star Hilton that has the name of a 2 star Michelin chef (Ramon Frexia) plastered all over it. Yet it felt like being in the Great Southern Stand at a 50 overs match. Why? Could it be that the trek to the ass end… I mean still developing… South Wharf be too much? Is the feeling of being surrounded by tree off putting? These queries were answered on the plate, and more so in the leather bill folder at the end.



Begin with the complementary 3 kinds of olives and bread.



Amuse Bouche #1 - Crushed tomato is painted on bread, accompanied by an intriguing Boost Juice (chilled raspberry) with wasabi dropped into it. On top, a foam of the stuff the Irish were raised on, Guinness. In essence, minted fruit puree but the thought of the Japanese sushi condiment won’t sit well with everyone.



Amuse Bouche #2 – Rabbit pieces are stewed in carrot, with a wicked rabbit cutlet on top. More please.



Lobster terrine comes with toasted bread ice cream and salmon roe. Playful, but probably not in the way Ramon intended. We thought Vietnamese Roll and pate.



Two chips of crispy skinned John Dory, in a puddle of parsley jus and triple onion – caramelised, toasted and fried. A nice, clean dish.



The signature dish, a deconstructed duck burger wears a caramelised onion wig. There’s a generous amount of manchego cheese floss, an oblong of toasted sourdough, a yummy splodge of homemade ketchup and oh-no-he-didn’t Predator blood green mustard ice-cream. Vision: check. Result: salty combined with salt. Unfortunately that green stuff can’t cut through the strong flavours.



Star anise spiced cherry and sweet red wine poached pear with roasted pork a combo that can’t go wrong. Lifted by cooking the piggy in duck fat and the interesting pistachio and coffee salt.



A homage to the end of meal beverages, coffee, tea and milk: toasted brioche and miniature jubes, milk ice-cream on coffee powder, coffee cream rolled crepe. These I get, but don’t feel guilty if you thought the lemon and milk foam was first Lemsip and milk then Yakult.


A price tag that doesn’t quite live up to the expectations. Maybe a rejig and reconsidering the value proposition will bring in a Twenty20 crowd.


2 / 5 yums!
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Where? 2 Convention Centre Place, South Wharf, Melbourne, VIC
What? Degustation $120

Eclipse Speciality Coffees, Melbourne

Bringing a slice of Newtown to the Opera House, Eclipse Speciality Coffees’ eccentric band look like they’ve stepped straight off the Big Day Out stage to serve coffees in a dark box next to the Intercontinental. It’s St Ali warehouse grudge vibe, with the gourmet menu of foreign blends and beans under unfriendly lighting. Wouldn’t rank it amongst the city’s finest, for me the house cup didn’t have the depth of flavour and a tolerable bitter aftertaste, but the crowd outside says otherwise. Definite points for style though.


2.5 / 5 yums!
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Where? 495 Collins St (Flinders Lane Enterance), Melbourne, VIC

Poppy Thai, Docklands

Poppy Thai is coming to a suburb near you. Fair enough about the expansion plans and therefore might be entitled to raise prices, but I’m not sure they can be justified at this city version even after applying the Dockland’s surcharge. Besides picking up a reasonable bill for a choice from a typical Thai menu including Pad Thai, stir fries, green and massaman curry, you’d be doing well to score the phone number a local banker or white collar. If that’s your preference. What isn’t mine is the amount of cream in the meat stingy red curry that if you froze it over could produce an unusual dessert. There’s no hiding behind restaurant style presentation. Value it is not.


2 / 5 yums!
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Where? Bourke St, Docklands, VIC
What? Meat and Rice around $16

En Izakaya, Balaclava

It won’t be bleedin obvious what this sparsely filled space’s objective is. That becomes apparent when you flick through some pages of dishes described using flavours of miso, soy, mirin, tempura, wagyu and sashimi. Japanese pub purists might cry foul at this popular Balaclava restaurant… I mean café… I mean easy drinking bar that serves food… wanting to take the word izakaya back.

But when there’s shredded tuna and spring onion wrapped in lightly fried tofu sheets and the spoon suckin good sweet caramelised soy, mirin and honey basting flamed pork belly to be consumed with an ice cold Yebisu, Asahi or sake, a little slack could be cut. A specials milky omelette and cold spanner crab failed the level tool test as the cold of the meat and the textures of the overall dish were slightly off balance. But get it right in the honey marinaded ox tongue barbequed with a shackled chilli kick and sesame chicken with the sweetness of honey, chilli heat and subtle acidity from sansho pepper.

You can whine about the name, but can’t too much about the sophisticated grazing dishes. Just don’t call it tapas.


3 / 5 yums!
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Where? 277 Carlisle Street, Balaclava, VIC
What? Dishes $8 - $16









Left to Right : Salmon Sushi; Soba in cold soy and mirin with zucchini and tomato; tuna, spring onion, bean curd sheet; Pork Belly; Ox Tongue; Crab and Omelette; Sesame Chicken; Soy Pannacotta

Capital Kitchen, Chadstone

Capital Kitchen provides an opportunity to the wandering zombie wage slaves to absorb some oxygen and vitamin D in the soul-destroying weatherless biosphere that is Chadstone. It’s done well to please the tastes of the uniform characters that frequent the mega shopping centre. Edgy enough with it’s clashing JB Hi Fi industrial lighting and faux mounted antler heads with a sales section that sells things for gourmet food sounds out this place is serious about its superficial and food.

It provides a strong case to not settle for the food court but you’ll over pay for regular café fare made from fresh, quality products. So why get a whopper when their grilled cheeseburger comes with tomato relish and brioche type buns? A toasted ham and tomato when you can opt for the club sandwich featuring poached chicken, egg, bacon, avocado and lemon mayonnaise, or steak sanger with fancy carmelised onion bread and onion jam? Because they are actually pretty good.

Won’t completely fill your void of emptiness but it’ll help. And make you look a little less anaesthetised. Maybe even slightly joyous.


3 / 5 yums!
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Where? Shop G041, 1341 Dandenong Road, Chadstone, VIC
What? Lunch around $15





Left to Right : Capital Kitchen Sandwich, Steak sandwich, Grilled Cheese Burger